Your highest performer just triggered another HR complaint, the third one. This time, three people are threatening to quit, and you know exactly who I’m talking about because every organization has one. Are you wondering how long you can afford to protect them?
With nearly three decades as a conflict analyst working inside organizations, I’ve investigated hundreds of workplace bullying and harassment complaints. The pattern is always the same. The person at the center isn’t struggling, they’re excelling. They hit targets, push through obstacles and keep things moving when others stall. They are, by every traditional metric, a high performer, and that’s precisely the problem.
The Pattern Every Leader Recognizes
Every leader wishes for an entire team of high performers because workplace systems are designed to reward outcomes, speed and results, and high performers deliver. In return, they are given latitude, tolerance and protection that others don’t. They often hold a privileged position, and leaders regularly remind them how valuable they are to the team.
Unfortunately, that privilege comes at a cost. High performers are typically driven, type-A personalities. Intensely outward-focused on goals, execution and achievement, what is often neglected is the inward work such as reflection, self-regulation and relational awareness.
Because their performance is visible and measurable, many high performers believe they don’t need to develop themselves interpersonally. They invest heavily in career development but bypass behavioral and relational growth. Sadly, anything that is not intentionally developed eventually erodes, and that’s what happens to the few interpersonal skills they entered the workforce with. As their careers accelerate, their interpersonal effectiveness often quietly declines.
Why High Performers Don’t See Themselves as Bullies
When I enter organizations to investigate bullying or harassment complaints, employees consistently say the same thing: “They’re excellent at their job, but they’re impossible to work with.”
High performers rarely see themselves as bullies. In fact, they are often genuinely shocked when concerns are raised.
When formally interviewed, they tend to describe others as lazy, unmotivated or not pulling their weight. They insist they were simply “encouraging performance.” They are unaware that encouragement delivered through intimidation, name-calling or public put-downs falls under the purview of bullying, harassment, disrespectful behavior or mistreatment.
In teams, these individuals dominate conversation and their energy often causes others to retreat. Others go quiet because they don’t feel safe to speak. This shuts down collaboration and creativity disappears, and sadly, resentment builds up over time.
What leaders often miss is that high performers are not malicious, they are wired differently. They assume everyone else should operate at the same intensity and pace. It is inconceivable to them that others don’t want to put in the hard work. When others don’t, their frustration turns into judgment, and this leads to behavior that crosses the line.
Under stress and burnout, this pattern intensifies for high performers. They enter a particular kind of “emotional resilience deficit.” This causes their empathy to narrow and their self-awareness collapses. Everyone else becomes “the problem” and when they are commended for getting the job done or leaders tell them that the team couldn’t pull it off without them, this reinforces their behavior and they repeat the pattern that has been rewarded. Unfortunately organizations continue to reward their output, and the behavior is tolerated for the “good of the team,” sometimes for years.
The Hidden Cost of Protection
I recall working with an executive who brought me on to help with his highest achieving director. This person’s work was exceptional, their metrics were spotless and their systems were tight, deliverables were flawless, results consistently exceeded targets. I was told, “This director is exceptional at getting work done but his working relationships are a nightmare.”
The human cost was devastating, resulting in chronic complaints, absenteeism that doubled department averages, employees crying at their desks and mysterious illness patterns that coincided with reviews and certain cycles. In 18 months, turnover in that department hit 35 percent, while the rest of the organization sat at 12 percent.
I have also worked with other organizations where I was brought on because there was a high rate of employees calling in sick when certain others were on the same schedule or shift. These are some of the hidden costs of protecting high performers without accountability.
- Top talent leaving quietly. They won’t tell you it’s because of this person. Exit interviews will cite “career growth” or “new opportunities’’ but your best people are watching how you handle this and deciding whether to stay.
- Teams that comply but never innovate. Fear-based compliance looks like performance in the short term, but creativity requires psychological safety. When people are afraid to speak up, you lose the ideas that drive competitive advantage.
- Future leaders questioning your integrity. High-potential employees are watching how you handle this situation. They’re deciding whether your stated values about respect and collaboration are real, or just words on a wall.
- A reputation as a place where performance excuses harm. Word travels. Candidates research company culture before they apply. Current employees share stories. Your employer brand is being shaped by who you protect and why.
You can tolerate this for short-term output but you cannot build a resilient organization on it.
How Leaders Transform High Performers Without Losing Them
The biggest mistake leaders make is treating this as a confrontation. High performers don’t respond well to being told they are “the problem.” What they do respond to is awareness, especially when it’s framed as an opportunity to elevate their performance further.
Transformative conversations must redirect them inward. Leaders should ask questions that disrupt outward fixation and invite reflection such as:
- Is it possible that this comment from you may shut others down?
- How could you say this in a way that increases collaboration instead of compliance?
- What would it look like if your team rallied around you instead of avoiding you? What would that feel like?
- Instead of carrying everything alone, what if others wanted to stretch themselves to meet your standards?
For many high performers, this is unfamiliar territory. I had a leader excitedly report to me that her team members were no longer avoiding her. She was referred because her employees would find reasons to leave the room when she came in. She couldn’t understand why they worked so sloppily and told them that daily.
High performers have built their careers as lone achievers, where collaboration has been transactional, not relational. The idea that others might want to work with them is an unfamiliar concept. Funny thing, these are mostly individuals who thrive on respect. They want to be seen as capable and influential, respected for their hard work. When leaders help them understand that influence is measured not only by output, but by how others experience working with them, something shifts.
This is where accountability must expand for these folks who are already accountable for results. What they are rarely held accountable for is relational impact; and this is not because they are unwilling, it’s because they are underdeveloped in this area.
When leaders frame relational breakdown as lost influence, lost trust and squandered leadership capital, high performers listen. They understand currency and they do not like losing it.
The Choice
When organizations reward performance without accountability, they signal that results matter more than people. Employees notice. Trust erodes. Talent quietly exits because of how work feels.
The question isn’t whether your high performers need development. They do. The question is whether you’re willing to expand what performance actually means in your organization. When organizations hold people accountable for both results and relationships, they retain top talent. They build leaders people actually want to follow, and an organization where high performance doesn’t require others to endure psychological pain and suffering at work.
High performers don’t need to be punished, they need to be developed fully, and when high performance is paired with relational accountability, organizations get results, they get leaders worth following, burnout is reduced, mental health improves for everyone and resilience becomes an available currency.
