Not all of us learned the same permission rules growing up. Some kids heard “go figure it out” and learned to act first. Others heard “ask before you do anything” and learned caution. We carry those deeply ingrained habits into adulthood.
That means some people sit in meetings with ideas they don’t share, not because they don’t know the answer, but because they’re not sure it’s theirs to give. They were hired for their intelligence, but they’re still scanning for approval. Others move in the opposite direction. They don’t wait when they should. They make decisions that affect budgets, clients, agreements or reputations and assume someone will stop them if it’s too far.
Leaders encounter both types of people, which means you can’t assume everyone understands how permission works in your company. You have to teach it, name it and model it. If you don’t, people fall back on whatever kept them safe before: staying quiet, asking for approval, or pushing ahead and hoping no one notices.
When people don’t know where their authority begins, they start guessing. Some send every decision upward. Others act on their own and hope it’s OK. And leaders set standards on permissions whether they realize it or not. For instance, an employee makes a questionable decision, and instead of a conversation, their work gets redone without feedback. Or they hear, “Next time, check with me.” Eventually, acting feels riskier than waiting.
Or, on the flip side, a leader who doesn’t set clear boundaries might blame employees for crossing lines they never knew existed. The result is frustration on both sides. Employees feel whiplash between freedom and correction, and leaders feel like they’re constantly playing defense.
Where Permission Ends and Ownership Begins
The solution is to make permissions explicit.
Start by mapping your decisions into four categories: decisions people can make independently without telling you, decisions they should make and then tell you about, decisions that require discussion first and decisions that require your approval. Be specific and name actual decisions in your industry. Communicate these categories explicitly to your team in writing, not just in conversation. Most leaders think they’ve been clear about permissions when they haven’t.
Once your framework is defined, test it. In your next team meeting, ask people to name a decision from the past month they weren’t sure about. Walk through which category it falls into using your framework. You’ll likely find misalignment. What felt like an obvious permission-free decision to you felt risky to them. Or, what seemed routine to them was actually a crucial decision that had a lot more riding on it than they realized.
The framework itself matters less than the clarity it creates. You’re not looking for perfection, but you need the team to understand the rules so they can act confidently within them.
Permission should protect what matters, not control everything. Kids need certain permissions to stay safe, while adults need the chance to use judgment. But employees need both. They need to know which decisions protect the business and which ones require them to act on their own.
And people need regular proof that it’s safe to act. Mistakes will still happen, but what matters is how leaders respond. Thoughtful decisions that don’t land perfectly deserve a conversation, not punishment. When someone makes a call and it misses the mark, don’t take their work back. Ask how they got there. That’s how judgment is built instead of avoided.
If someone is expected to make decisions that carry real consequences, they need training, information and fair support to do it well. You can’t demand ownership from people who don’t have the tools or permission to use it.
How Letting Go Becomes Leadership
It’s also important to understand that ownership doesn’t actually come from being told it’s yours but from doing the work and observing that your decision stood. When leaders quietly take back control, even with good intentions, they teach people that authority is borrowed, not real.
That means letting go is a visible act, not just a thought exercise for a leader. It means allowing outcomes that meet the standard, even when you would have handled them differently. Those moments build judgment faster than any training session ever could.
When a decision goes well, recognize it publicly, but when it doesn’t, unpack it privately. Ask what they saw, what they missed and what they’d do next time. That’s how people grow confident in being an effective decision-maker in your organization.
Not everyone will want a high level of ownership, and not every role requires it. But the people who are ready for it notice when they’re trusted. And when they aren’t, they either leave or stop trying, which is so costly for any company.
Protect What Matters, Don’t Police What’s Routine
Ultimately, you want a balance that protects what’s critical without smothering what’s possible.
And it’s always worth remembering that we all grow up learning something about permission, but not the same thing. Some are taught that independence earns praise. Others are taught that obedience keeps peace. Those lessons shape how we move through the world. At work, they can look like hesitation or impulsiveness, deference or defiance, but they all trace back to how we learned safety.
Good leaders recognize these differences and help employees find the confidence to act with care and alignment with the organizational needs. When that happens, the culture changes. Conversations replace approvals, and trust starts doing the work that control used to do.
You didn’t hire smart people to raise their hands in constant permission seeking, did you? No, you hired them to raise your company’s game. That only happens when people know where their judgment begins and where support is waiting if they need it. That’s when initiative becomes the norm, decisions move faster and leadership feels lighter because everyone is carrying a piece of it.
