Finding work-life balance isn’t exactly an easy process, but it is one you have the power to control, says Rachel Salzberg.
Salzberg is an expert in “conscious leadership” as CEO of Facets Coaching and author of the soon-to-be released The ReSoul Revolution. An advisor to major companies including Microsoft, Amazon and T-Mobile, she has seen firsthand how work-life imbalance can damage individuals and organizations.
The first step toward balance—she calls the goal work-life integration—is examining and understanding your values. “What are your core values, and do they align [with your company’s]” she asks. “How do we leverage our values and come into more of a balance? Be able to articulate them. Start having those conversations with yourself, and understand your purpose. How do you contribute to this world? Why do you get up each day?”
Salzberg will be a featured speaker at our next Women in Leadership online discussion, Making Work-Life Balance a Reality on December 12 (join us!). She’ll share her take on how changing your internal state can benefit you, your teams and your organization—and she spoke with us ahead of the conversation to share some tips.
Let’s talk about the idea of work-life balance. Is it possible? Some people argue it shouldn’t even be a goal.
Having worked over the past almost 20 years within corporations and with women leaders in particular, the theme that keeps coming up is, how do I do this? Balance is hard. My definition is work-life integration. And work-life integration is, how do you integrate yourself into your work?
There are some components that are super clear, beginning with your own core values versus the imposed values of the organization. What are your core values, and do they align? And then analyzing. Values are on a spectrum and boundaries are kind of guardrails, but they also can be expansive and or they can be contracted. When they’re in an extreme on either side, that’s where challenges happen between burnout, overwhelm, anxiety or on the other side a kind of rigidity, etc.
So how do we leverage our values and come into more of a balance? Be able to articulate them—that’s the very first thing. Start having those conversations with yourself, and understand your purpose. How do you contribute to this world? Why do you get up each day?
When you say “world,” do you mean the corporate world that you’re in or the world at large?
Both. From getting kids up in the morning or making dinner late at night to emails coming in, there’s so much coming at us. So how do we become more intentional versus reactive? And that’s when what I call “conscious priorities” come in. Pause and reset. It can take two to three moments of asking questions: Is this something that I can let go of? Does this align with my core values? Does this align with the initiative? Or is this someone else’s priority?
So often we’re saying yes. Women have this challenge of saying yes to everything and being that person for everyone, families and also our teams and organizations. It’s important to be super intentional about what we’re saying yes to, and asking that question, giving ourselves permission to look at what that boundary is and does it align based on our values and our why. Do we want to do it? What’s the impact if we do, and the impact if we don’t? It’s about being able to sit, quickly, and get into a practice of asking those questions versus just being an automatic yes.
Saying no isn’t always possible though.
That’s an internal programming. So then that kind of gets into the deep-seated belief systems that we have and where they’ve been developed. Become aware. Are these limiting or are they serving us? And then be very intentional about creating new belief systems. Give yourself permission to say no. But no in a way that is, “How can I help?” Versus “No, absolutely not.” It doesn’t have to take much time, but just being able to be aware of the components that impact work-life balance is a huge step.
How do you get comfortable with that practice? Are there specific steps you can take?
Absolutely. There are lots of little tools, mantras or affirmations, that can bring changes through the neuroplasticity of the brain. Micro rituals multiple times a day. Like set an alarm on your phone, put a little sticky note on your computer, find ways to be able to kind of reset. And then really the most important thing is to focus on your feelings and [work into the state of mind you want]. As an example, I have this tattered journal that I read over here every morning when I wake up and think through, how do I want to be today? Relaxed, calm and confident? I imagine when I am that…
So you write in a journal or read first thing every day?
Yes. These are micro rituals. For example, before I dive into email I will look at these key statements of intention and not just state them, but feel them. It doesn’t have to necessarily apply to work. When am I my best self? When am I most confident? When am I able to be grounded and centered? I take that feeling place, which then creates an entry point to relax my body and be more intentional.
That’s what changes the brain, through the neuroplasticity of the brain. Think of three things that you’re grateful for each morning. Not just stating them, but feeling them and stating them to someone else. It takes 30 seconds. None of this has to take long at all. It’s just consistency in these little micro steps that take a 30-seconds-to-a-minute repetition multiple times a day. We all have time for that.
This is where the differences between men and women can be really clear, though. Women often have a hard time focusing on themselves.
Absolutely. That’s a societal norm. And that comes into kind of core values versus imposed values, but also deep-seated belief systems that are so unconscious actually, that you are programmed into it.
Become conscious to the idea: I give myself permission to take a moment each day to take care of myself. That’s an example of a mantra so that you really feel it, that it’s in the forefront of your mind so that you are able to take action. You are being your belief systems. That takes practice over time. Just little bit by little bit.
Even in the workplace?
My whole mission is to bring consciousness into business. Humanity back into business. There’s no difference between you at home and at work. This is how we can be a model for our teams and as a leader to actually emulate these things so that we give not only ourselves but others permission to do it.
And it shifts the way people see you as a woman, too.
Let’s redefine professionalism. Professionalism is being intentional about how we care for ourselves and each other, and as leaders. We all have lives and personal stuff. We all are human. We have an invisible backpack. I use that term a lot. So be able to talk about it, be honorable about it, be authentic about it and ask for what you need as women. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation.
What do you mean by an invisible backpack?
We all have [emotional] stuff we bring to the table each day at work, whether it’s remotely or whether it’s in the office. And so we don’t know often what’s happening. We can start to give ourselves permission to say, you know what? I’ve just had a really tough time lately. Or I had a really bad night. I didn’t sleep. My kid was up. Or my husband and I had an awful argument. That’s how life integrates into work, because it bleeds into it.
You’ve worked with some major organizations, including Microsoft, Amazon, T-Mobile. Do you feel like companies are becoming more aware of the problems of work-life balance?
There’s an extreme resistance to a paradigm shift. As an example, I recently did a two-year consulting gig and it was one of the most toxic environments that I’ve ever seen. Super male-dominated. The attitude was there is no part of leadership development that’s going to be necessary because all we care about is profit and margin and shipping because we have to run lean, and this is what the economy’s doing. And then it became, we aren’t going to take family concerns into account, etc. So women leaders were leaving in droves.
I feel like it’s going into extremes. Now, on the other side, I do see companies that are very purpose-driven, that care about their people. But it’s not the norm.
So it feels like an ever more important and radical in the best sense thing for a woman to do, to demand attention to this issue.
That’s the only thing we can control, right? Ourselves. At the end of the day, we can’t control a company. We can’t control the economy, but we can control how we respond and how we take care of ourselves. Period. That’s all we’ve got. First you have to take care of yourself, and then you’re able to be a model and give permission for others to do the same. And that’s where change can happen.
